Recently, a CEO for an office furniture company gave a virtual talk to her employees. Parts of that talk went viral on social media. I won’t share it here because I’m not sure if it was ever supposed to be shared. Anyway, the CEO starts out her talk recognizing that people are upset because they won’t be getting their bonus this year. She’s compassionate at first and then her talk devolves into telling her employees to “Get out of pity city.” Those were her exact words. I like to give people the benefit of the doubt, so I’m going to assume this was a rough moment in time for her and that if she could do it again, she probably wouldn’t use the words pity city when addressing her employees.
Here’s the problem with pity city. It’s a great expression, and I think most of us can agree that we sometimes hangout and even party in pity city. It’s not an unreasonable place to go. Yet, if you, as a leader, really want to get your people out of pity city, telling them to get out is pretty much guaranteeing the opposite will happen. They won’t feel heard or understood and that will just mean another month’s rent in pity city.
Building a Road Out of Pity City
So how do we get people out of pity city? Ask them. That’s my answer. Ask them what would help them to leave pity city behind. “What would help you to feel less frustrated about our work environment?” “What would motivate you to feel more engaged and connected to our work?” Now here’s where some of you will say, “Well, they are going to say, ‘Give us our bonus.’” Yes, they probably will say that at first, but if you keep asking you will hear some other things that will help them get out of pity city. You could say, “Since we’re not able to give bonuses right now, what else might help you feel more engaged?”
Want to motivate your employees? Make them feel seen, heard, and included. #leadership #motivation #work #communication Click To TweetAnd here’s where you will hear their true motivators. Maybe you’ll hear, “I’d love for you to address some of the ideas that I’ve brought to the table.” Or, “Let’s brainstorm crazy ideas that seem a bit outlandish, but might actually lead us to new ways of doing things.” Or, “Give me some space to be unhappy, let me complain a little bit and then I’ll be ready to move on.” You know what employees want as much as they want money? They want to be seen, heard, and included.
See them and tell them that you see them, listen to them with an empathic, non-judgmental ear, and include them in decisions, even the hard ones. If you want your employees out of pity city, don’t tell them to leave. Ask them how you can support them to grow. Also, if anyone knows that CEO, give her my card. I think she could use some coaching about now.
Love,
Lisa Kaplin Psy. D. PCC