If I could break down my coaching sessions into time spent on certain topics, I’d say about 20% of my sessions are around feelings. Usually, they are around my clients trying to rid themselves of or avoid certain feelings. “It’s stupid that I’m scared.” “How ridiculous is it that I’m upset by that?” “What’s wrong with me that I’m still sad?” These are but a few of the comments that I hear on a daily basis. I’ve said these exact words myself. Some feelings are scary, some feelings really hurt, and some feelings are just the best.
Here’s the truth about feelings…they are. Yep. They are just feelings. They aren’t necessarily how you will respond to something and they are not here to stay. They are signs that something is going on for you, whether that is something that you like or something that you don’t. Feelings are okay. All feelings are okay. Feelings are part of what makes us living beings, so why are we so busy trying to talk ourselves out of them?
Feelings are part of what makes us living beings, so why are we so busy trying to talk ourselves out of them? #feelings #emotions #acceptance Click To TweetUltimately, our life’s experiences lead to our mindset or thoughts and those lead to how we feel. If we actually want to feel differently, we may want to choose to think about things differently, and that can be a powerful and healthy plan. However, if our goal is to never feel sad or angry again, good luck with that. Try telling your dog not to be ecstatic when you walk into the house and you’ll see how easy it is to rid ourselves of emotions.
How to Allow Space for Your Feelings
When we start to truly accept any feeling that we have, we allow ourselves the ability to experience that feeling and then gently let it move on. Sometimes I get angry at other drivers. Trying to talk myself out of that when I’ve almost been in a car accident is futile. Trying to talk myself out of the feeling actually solidifies me getting stuck and holding onto that feeling. What if we observed our own feeling state without judgment and then allowed ourselves to choose new thoughts and feelings from a place of acceptance and curiosity versus judgment?
Try this at home. Stop periodically through your day and ask yourself what you are feeling? Accept whatever you come up with and then allow that feeling to gently move through you in order to be released to make some space for the next feeling. Even better, try this when you are stressed or when your buttons get pushed. Again, look at your feelings with interest and curiosity and see what happens. For extra credit, try this with other people! Let me know how you do.
Love,
Lisa Kaplin Psy. D. PCC