How Do You Define Success?

Recently, I asked one of my clients how he defined success. He looked at me (via Zoom) rather shocked and said, “Now that’s a big question.” We laughed about it, but when he came back a few weeks later, he reported that my question had led to some very deep thinking on his part. My client realized that he, like so many of us, defined success by money, title, and power. He also wisely commented that his definition of success was what he heard from others including family, peers, etc.

My wise client isn’t alone. Most of us are riding a success treadmill and we don’t even realize it. We think we are making conscious decisions about our lives and our careers, when really we are acting out some very old external messaging that we have internalized. How many of us went to college because we thought there were no other options? Or started a corporate career because we thought that’s what we were supposed to do? College and a corporate job can be fabulous, and they can also be miserable if they aren’t really right for you.

Are you riding a success treadmill? Are you making conscious decisions about your life and career, or just acting out some old cultural messaging about success? #career #success #happiness Click To Tweet

My client realized that his definition of success was much more than money and corporate titles. It was time with family, friends, hobbies, and supporting his partner’s career choices. He said, “I don’t want to turn sixty and realize that I’ve been miserable this whole time and to have missed out on the things and people that matter the most to me.” How many of us know people who have huge regrets in life because they thought they were successful, but really they were just externally successful and internally miserable.

So how do you define success? At the end of your life, what will have mattered most? There is no overall right answer, but there is a right answer for you. What matters to you most? What are your top values in life and are you living those every day? Ask yourself where you got your definition of success? Is it your definition or one you’ve picked up from the world? Ultimately, you are going to want to define success for yourself and then go out and live that.

Love,

Lisa Kaplin Psy. D. PCC