One of the most common reasons that my clients haven’t achieved their goals is shame. The fear of shame, the avoidance of shame, the daily habits we’ve adopted to not face our fear of shame. Shame is so profound, so influential, and so devastating to so many of us that it’s truly keeping us from living full and joyful lives. Brené Brown has done some fascinating research on shame, and I can’t recommend her work enough. Yet research alone isn’t going to change the daily problems that shame, and the avoidance of it, bring to our lives.
I’m not going to get into the childhood development of shame, or even how natural it is to feel shame. Rather, I’d love to look at how we can face and disempower the shame that we so often avoid. One of the most common questions I ask my clients is, “What’s the worst thing that can happen?” Often they say, “I’ll fail and I will be so ashamed and embarrassed if that happens.” Who can’t relate to that? Of course that is terrifying and uncomfortable and yet, look again. What if we survived that shame? What if we not only survived it, but learned and grew from facing that shame?
What if we Embraced Our Shame Instead of Running from It?
What if one of the greatest challenges of our lives is to face shame head-on and walk right into it? What if we started to realize that shame is uncomfortable, but it won’t kill us? What can we do to face our shame and the fear of shame? We can get uncomfortable again and again and again. We can take risks. We can put ourselves out into the world with authenticity and the knowledge that others may judge us, and that’s okay if they do.
Facing our shame removes its power over us by showing us we can survive our worst fears. #shame #fear #courage Click To TweetWhat is one thing you can do today to face your shame? What is one thing you can say to yourself to face and disempower the shame cycles that you often find yourself in? What’s the scariest thing you could do today to start this process? Is it to speak up? To share an idea? To wear clothes that you’ve always wanted to wear? To radically accept who you are and show the world that very person, even if you are judged horribly?
Here’s my push to all of you (and I’ll work on it, too)…face your shame head-on. Walk into it, breathe it in and walk out the other side. When you release your fear of shame, you release the weight you’ve been carrying around. You are a freer, happier, more fulfilled person. I dare you to try it.
Love,
Lisa Kaplin Psy. D. PCC