Recently, a friend told me that I was so kind-hearted. I wasn’t sure if he meant that as a compliment. I decided to take it that way, but admittedly spent a fair amount of time over-analyzing his comment. He alluded to me being kind-hearted because I told him that I try not to say things that would be hurtful to other people. My friend said, “Maybe other people need to be less sensitive.”
That was the comment that got me thinking about this whole thing. I’m a firm believer that we are each completely responsible for our own feelings and reactions. Always. If you say something and I react to it, my reaction is on me. No one can make me feel anything. I’m responsible for that. So if that is the case, why do I need to be careful about what I say to others? It’s an interesting dilemma.
On the other hand, I’m not only responsible for my own thoughts and feelings, I’m also fully responsible for how I behave and the words that I use. I would never use racist or derogatory words in that I find them repugnant and I know that others feel deep pain from these words. I don’t call people names (Okay, maybe sometimes in my head I do.) and I try very hard never to use critical or judgmental words about or to others. Why do I do that? Is it kind-hearted, or ultimately does it feel good to me?
Being kind-hearted means taking other people's feelings into account before acting or speaking. It means being a good human. #kindness #empathy #responsibility Click To TweetSome people think that there is no such thing as true altruism, so am I really kind-hearted or am I just trying to feel good about myself? Deep questions for a June day! I’m pretty sure that it’s a bit of both. I don’t like to say things that are hurtful to other people and I don’t like to hang out in judgy or mean-spirited thinking. Neither of those feel good to me. So, am I choosing kind-hearted or is it my true nature? I feel like I’ve had to work my way to it and it will be a life-long journey.
Being Kind-Hearted Makes the World a Better Place
Kind-hearted to me ultimately means that I am empathic. It means that I can hold space for someone else’s feelings, whether I think those feelings make sense or not. My kids taught me that lesson in that toddlers are often miserable about rather silly things, yet those situations weren’t silly to them. No feelings are good or bad, but rather just our experience in the moment. My kind-heartedness is really just recognizing that and working on not judging someone else’s feelings or experiences.
After all of this analysis, I’ve decided to see my kind-heartedness as a good thing. I’m a human, who values other humans and wants to make the world a better place. I’m pretty sure that kind-heartedness or empathy won’t hurt anyone, and instead will probably contribute to both mine and other’s sense of connection and happiness. Maybe my friend will even want to join me after we further discuss the concept of kind-heartedness.
Love,
Lisa Kaplin Psy. D. PCC