One of my clients recently texted me a note that said, “I’m making a comeback.” She had been going through a tough time with career decisions, the pandemic, and accomplishing some of the goals on her “to do list.” Her note made me laugh out loud which I really needed during this challenging time. Something about those words so resonated with me and with what I see with clients, friends, and family. We go through tough times, sometimes we fall into an emotional or physical dark hole, but then we make a comeback. And unless it’s the end of your life (and even then, who knows), you will make a comeback. We always do.
As I thought about my client and what she did to make her comeback, I realized that it’s almost always the same process that leads to our comeback. I’ve itemized them here to make them a bit easier to recognize and to follow:
- Awareness that you are in some type of a hole. Sometimes we don’t even realize it until we’ve hit some version of a bottom, and sometimes we start to feel it fairly early in the process. Either way, you’ve got to own it. Say it out loud. Say, “I’m struggling.” Or “I’m really feeling like I’m not in a good space.” Or any version thereof, just own it and be aware of it without judgment.
- Release the judgment of going down the hole. We all go there and it’s no reflection on you as a person that you are also going there. Judgment will just keep you in that hole.
- Talk to someone! A therapist, a coach, a dear friend, anyone. Talk to someone and say that you are going through a rough patch. If necessary, hire a professional or seek social services that are suited to your financial situation but TALK TO SOMEONE.
- Start your emotional comeback. Your comeback starts in your head not in what you do. What I often hear people say is, “I’m stuck and I can’t get out of this.” Being stuck is the truth, not being able to get out of it is a lie that you are telling yourself. Start to tell yourself the truth which is “I’m stuck, I’m having trouble, and I’m looking for a way to get out of this.” If you’re feeling especially courageous, remind yourself that you’ve gotten out of these situations in the past and you’ll get out of this one too. That’s the real truth.
- Follow up your emotional comeback with a plan. Your plan can be as simple as drinking more water every day or taking a walk or it might be more detailed such as seeing a therapist or looking for a new job. Either way, make a plan and start taking baby steps to make that plan a reality. My client updated her resume and started taking baby steps toward some of her bigger goals. The baby steps felt like progress and she built on that progress.
- Choose to do one small thing every day to help you get out of that hole. Clean out a drawer. Watch a motivating TedTalk, find something funny on the internet or TV, commit to not doom scrolling for a whole day. Anything! Pick any small step and do it. Recently I cleaned out a few junk drawers in my kitchen and I kind of felt like Wonder Woman when I was done.
So let’s make a comeback! It’s 2021, there is hope in the air, and who doesn’t love a good comeback story? I’d love to hear yours.
Love,
Lisa Kaplin Psy. D. PCC