This pandemic has triggered a wide range of feelings for so many of us. I’ve been terrified, relieved, fearful, joyful, grateful, and overwhelmed, just to name a few emotions. Lately, I’ve been hit with the “what ifs.” What if we have to wear masks forever? What if the vaccine doesn’t work? What if I can’t go back to some version of my pre-COVID life? What if I never get to travel again? Then the “what ifs” continue in considerably more dreadful possibilities.
Why would I “what if” myself at a time like this? What’s wrong with me for even considering all of these horrible scenarios? Well, it turns out that I’m human and we human beings have a tendency to think and worry about the worst-case scenarios. I’m guessing there is some genetic, survival of the fittest component to the worst- case scenario, but I’m not sure how helpful that is in our 21st century world.
It’s possible that my genetics make me good at worst-case scenario-ing in that my mom is really good at it as well. I’ve apparently passed some of this on to my daughter, though my sons seem to be less affected by all of this worry and doom and gloom. I don’t want to be a “what if-er” and yet my brain just goes there. What if I can’t stop “what if-ing”?
Maybe I “what if” because there is so much more I want to do in my life. I want to travel, meet my future grandchildren, go out to dinner at a nice restaurant, and see The Chicks in concert again, to name just a few things. I miss O’Hare airport and the bad pretzels on an airplane. I want to sit on an airplane and look out the window at some beautiful American landscape. I want my kids to be able to move on (and out) with their adult lives. And I want to sit in a movie theatre eating popcorn with my husband.
I’m pretty good at making the most out of every situation. I’ve read an outrageous amount of books since COVID hit. I’ve hung out with my family more than ever in the past and I’ve developed new programs and aspects for my business. I’m not bored and I’m not lonely, and yet I’m still concerned that I won’t get to do some of my big bucket list items. That feels awful.
Managing the What Ifs
So how does a professional life coach and psychologist manage the “what ifs”? She looks at them and asks herself how likely are those “what ifs”? Most of my “what ifs” are not very likely. History and reality suggest that life will change again and I’ll be able to do so many of the things that I want to do in this lifetime.
In uncertain times, remind yourself that your worst fears only win if you give up on life because of them. #stress #uncertainty #COVID #happiness #joy Click To TweetThe second step I take to manage the “what ifs”? I build a safety net for myself just in case those “what ifs” do become reality. I add things to my life that I love such as learning new things, exercise, other ways of engaging, creativity, and productivity that excite me. I’ve learned new board games with my kids. I’ve expanded my musical and podcast choices. I’ve found new hiking areas and planned small driving trips with my kids and dog.
What I’ve learned about the “what ifs” is that they can only hurt us if we give up because of them. The most important question I ask myself is, “What if I stop growing?” and then I know that there is more to learn and more to life. What if our lives change dramatically because of COVID? What if we find beauty and joy even if that is the case?
Love,
Lisa Kaplin Psy. D. PCC