So many of my blog posts, conversations, and coaching sessions have been around the concept of allowing ourselves to feel anything we are feeling, particularly during this very challenging COVID-19 pandemic. So many of us are struggling in a variety of ways. Some have lost loved ones, life long careers, savings, homes, and their long-term health. Some have lost faith, confidence, relationships, and so much more. Why can’t we give ourselves permission to grieve?
What is wrong with grief? Is it not part of the human experience? Does grief not suggest that we have lived and loved and therefore when that is gone we are sad and grieving? Why is avoiding grief a good thing? How could we not be sad sometimes during such a unique and challenging time in our history?
Give yourself permission to grieve. A life well-lived comes with both love and loss. Allow yourself time and space to feel both. #grief #loss #love Click To TweetRight after school started this fall, I saw many friends and associates posting pictures of their children at home, in front of a computer. Some of those children looked comfortable and ready to go and some looked like they were about to fall apart. I saw one mother post a heart wrenching picture of her young son crying as he sat in front of his computer to start his school day. Our kids are sad sometimes. They miss their friends, and gym class, and social interaction, and maybe even learning.
My older children have had sad moments. They also miss the social interaction of friends and the experiences that they were looking forward to as young adults. My husband is sad sometimes because his work as an orthodontist has become extremely stressful and not as fun as it used to be when he could chat with his young patients and their parents. I’ve had very sad moments of missing my life on the road. I’d kill for a great Marriott hotel room and some room service!
Most of our lives have changed dramatically and we don’t know if or when they will ever change back. Of course we are grieving! Grieve away beautiful people. These are challenging times. We’ve lost loved ones, jobs we love, hobbies we love, and time with people we love. I haven’t seen my parents in months. I’m not willing to risk getting them sick, so it’s likely a few more months before I get to see them or my brother. My chest hurts when I think about not having that time with them.
Allow yourself the gift of grief, the gift of missing people and situations that you love. I’m grateful for the people and experiences in my life and I miss them greatly. I won’t allow that grief to keep me from joy because I know joy and grief are not mutually exclusive. Give yourself permission to grieve. As one of my brilliant clients recently said, “I’m off to take a bath and give myself a good cry. I’ll feel better after that.” Wise words.
Love,
Lisa Kaplin Psy. D. PCC