One of the more common situations that comes up with my coaching clients is the belief that they can’t handle challenging situations in their lives. They tell themselves that they wouldn’t be able to handle it if their partner left them or if their children were angry with them or if they lost their job or if they felt sadness or pain. Although it’s understandable to feel this way, and I know I feel that way frequently, it is not true. 

We can handle bad news, rejection, loss, shame, fear, all of it. We’ve handled all of it right up to this moment and we will handle it for the rest of our lives. We are strong enough to handle whatever comes our way. This doesn’t mean we will necessarily handle it in a way that is beneficial to us and to others, yet we will still be strong enough to handle any situation that presents itself.

Here’s the problem with buying into the story of not being able to handle something: you don’t allow yourself to face that situation and to face it with confidence in yourself. So essentially, by not believing you can handle something, you are setting yourself up to not handle it well. You are creating the exact environment that you say you don’t want to have. 

So how do you change this? You begin to believe and to trust that you can handle anything that comes your way and you face it. When my clients begin to do this, they remind themselves of all of the other times in their lives when they’ve faced a challenge and how strong they were to face it. They say to themselves, “I am strong enough to face this situation and I will handle whatever comes my way.” Often they come back to me and say, “That was so much easier than I had built up in my head.”

What are you avoiding in life because you think you can’t handle it? What’s it going to take for you to believe that you are strong enough to handle it and then to go ahead and do just that?

Love,

Lisa Kaplin Psy. D. PCC