Recently, I was talking to a client about putting some positive habits into her life. We were talking about other habits that she’s adopted and how she made those an active part of her life. As is so often the case, my client gave me a brilliant analogy that made absolute perfect sense to me. She said she loves chocolate ice cream. She’s tried a bunch of other flavors, but she always comes back to chocolate. Then one day, she just decided that there was nothing wrong with loving chocolate ice cream and no reason to complicate that decision.

She realized that she struggles with positive or powerful habits when she makes them too complicated or there are too many choices around them. We were discussing journaling and she had a lot of “shoulds” around journaling. “I ‘should’ write at least three pages a day.” “I ‘should’ have a gratitude journal, too.” “If I don’t write affirmations, why even bother.” She was complicating the chocolate ice cream version of journaling. 

Why can’t we like what we like? Why can’t we simplify things so that they are still enjoyable to us instead of making them another “have to” on our never-ending list of “shoulds”? Having things we can count on and look forward to, like chocolate ice cream, are little pieces of joy and security in an unstable world. If journaling to you is a line or two of an affirmation and you look forward to that, why isn’t that good enough? Sometimes good enough is just what we need.

I love chicken parmesan. I order it almost every time I’m at an Italian restaurant and my family makes fun of me every time. I peruse the menu, I ask the waiter for the specials, and then I order the chicken parmesan. My theory is that I know I love that dish and even if I might also love another dish, why not go for the sure thing every once in awhile? 

Life is chaotic enough. So much of our lives right now is up for grabs and our future also looks a bit scary and unsure. Why not enjoy your chocolate ice cream and leave the big challenges and risk taking for a time or situation that makes more sense to you?

Love,

Lisa Kaplin Psy. D. PCC