Many of us get frequent feedback from the people we work with and for. Maybe we ask for that feedback or maybe it is given to us annually or semi annually. Maybe we enjoy it or maybe we dread it, but it’s part of our work life. But do you get feedback from your children? Do you ask them how you’re doing as a parent? Do you let them tell you their observations about you and your behavior? If not, you are missing out on the most powerful feedback of your life.
Recently, my 22-year-old daughter gave me some feedback on my behavior. It was painful feedback. At first I was ready to reject it, but then I decided to hear her out. Her feedback was based on thoughtful observations of me and was given with love, but also with some frustration at my own lack of awareness of that behavior. It took my breath away and it hurt, yet it hurt because it was so absolutely true. I didn’t even realize that I was showing up in the way that my daughter described until I really listened to her.
Later, I talked to my younger son and he also validated my daughter’s observation. How could this be that my children are so observant and wiser than I often am? Obviously, because I raised them so well 😉 but that’s a story for another post. Once I allowed myself to feel the pain of their observations, I was also able to see how right they were. Their feedback allowed me to have some powerful awareness about myself. I did a lot of soul searching that weekend and came up with some very deep insights about myself, my relationships, and how I’m showing up in the world. Not all of them were pretty, but they were all true for me and thus allowed me to decide if that’s how I wanted to continue to show up.
Want Feedback? Then Be Prepared for Hard Truths.
Getting feedback from your children is not for the faint of heart! Don’t ask for the feedback unless you can receive it without anger and defensiveness. Yet who loves you more than your children? Who sees you as deeply and with such powerful love and emotions more than your children? What relationships do you have that are as important as those with your children? If you’re willing to get feedback from work relationships, why not your children?
Do you ask your children for feedback on how you're doing as a parent? If not, you are missing out on the most powerful feedback of your life. But if you ask, be prepared for some hard truths. #advice #feedback #parenting Click To TweetThere’s an old saying (I have no idea who said it.) that suggests you get the children you need, not necessarily the children you want. The children we need are the children who will help us be our truly best selves so that we can love them unconditionally and parent them to the very best of our abilities. They will challenge us to grow through our relationship with them. Will you get a raise after getting feedback from your children? Probably not a financial one, but you will get a closer and more intimate relationship with them and ultimately with yourself. And that my friends, is priceless!
Love,
Lisa Kaplin Psy. D. PCC