In August, my husband, our dog, and I became empty nesters. I was both excited and apprehensive about having all of my children away from home. I love the chaos of a busy and full home and I love time with my children. On the other hand, I’ve spent the past twenty-five years keeping track of all three of them. I was looking forward to letting go of some of the emotional labor that comes with parenthood.

I’m happy to report that my husband and I are surviving our empty nest. Our dog gets lots of attention, we often eat bagels for dinner, and we’re getting accustomed to the quiet and slower pace of our home. We miss our kids. We talk to them and about them quite a bit. One of the first questions we often ask each other in the evening is, “Have you talked to the kids?” It’s different to not know the details of their daily lives, so we look forward to the small and large check-ins from each of them.

Parenthood is such an unusual aspect of life in that almost from the moment your child is born, you are preparing them to leave you. I’m glad it takes about eighteen years or so to do that because my heart struggled even at that pace. Yet, seeing your children become young, independent adults is truly one of life’s greatest joys. They re-enter our home with their own opinions, hopes, dreams, and fascinating stories. They are our children, but they are their very own version of themselves. Perfect exactly as they are.

Surviving The Parenthood Ride

Nothing could have prepared me for the wild ride of parenthood. No amount of prep work would have made it easier or less terrifying. Also, no words adequately describe the emotions that I feel for each of them every single day. It’s hard not to worry about our children and their futures, yet it’s worthless to do so. I remind myself constantly to enjoy the moment, be at peace with their journey and my own, and take the future as it comes. Some days are harder than others to do just that.

Due to my travel schedule, there were numerous times in 2018 in which all five of us were in different states. We called ourselves the 5-State-Kaplins. We laughed about it, but there were many days in the past in which we were 1-Room-Kaplins, for better or worse!. 2019 will bring more adventure as we add a fantastic daughter-in-law in September, send our daughter off to a semester abroad, and our baby back to California for his second semester of college.

My husband, our dog, and I will hold down the fort in suburban Chicago, but our hearts are also with our children no matter where they are. Parenting isn’t for the faint of heart, but it is worth every terrifying and fulfilling moment. Also, just in case my oldest and his fiancé are reading this, we are now officially ready for the grandparenting journey! Stay tuned.

Love,

Lisa Kaplin Psy. D. PCC