How many of you consider yourselves control freaks? How’s that working for you? I really like to be controlling. I’d prefer if everyone in my life did what I told them to do. I’ve tried to control my husband, my parents, my kids, even my dog. I’ve succeeded exactly zero times. I still keep trying, but I’m pretty sure I can predict the end of that story.
Why do so many of us want control? For me, it makes this chaotic world seem a bit less so. If I tell my kids what to do and they listen, maybe they won’t have any tough times. If I can control my husband, then I’ll get exactly what I want out of that relationship, right? Of course the answer is no, yet the desire for it is pretty understandable.
Trying to control others is exhausting. It’s frustrating, anxiety provoking, and will ultimately lead to disappointment. Trust me, I’ve tried. So what are all of us control freaks to do in order to live less anxious, less frustrating lives? Here’s an idea, let go of the rope. Seriously, let go. Stop trying to control others. Ask yourself every day, “How likely is it that I’m able to control someone else?” If your answer is, “Ridiculously unlikely,” then give it up.
Trying to control others is exhausting—and useless. The only person you can control is yourself, so try letting go. You might be surprised by the results. #control #stress #happiness Click To TweetI vividly remember trying to control the moods of my then 18-month-old child. It’s laughable now in that a toddler will teach you very quickly that you don’t have much control over anything. I was so frustrated that I had such little control over this little being. My frustration led to some awareness, which led to me dropping the rope with my little independence seeking child. This doesn’t mean that I didn’t set limits or boundaries with him, I did. However, I let go of trying to manage his moods, feelings, and desires. Those were his to manage, and my job was to manage my own.
It was a lesson that I’ve attempted to utilize in all the relationships in my life. I ask myself what I can control, and I work to let go of the rest. Almost always, the only thing I can control is myself and my own attitude. I can’t control what my husband does at work or what my kids do in college. My clients will make their own decisions and my role is to help them make the best ones possible. Even my dog will choose her own path, literally and figuratively.
Interestingly enough, whenever I let go of the rope, I’m happier and so are the people around me. Shocking, right? Try it, you might find the same result. Start with your pet or a toddler and move on from there. The toddler will humble you and your pet will probably lick you. Either way, it’s a win.
Love,
Lisa Kaplin Psy. D. PCC