Not My Time Syndrome, Revisited

In honor of me enjoying my summer, I decided to repurpose an old blog post of mine. Actually, this is the first post I ever wrote. I was terrified to publish it to an online local newspaper so I read and reread it until I finally worked up the courage to hit send. Since then I’ve written hundreds of post with less and less terror with each publication. I look back at this first post and I feel compassion and pride for the woman who stepped into her fears and wrote it. It’s unlikely to win any literary prizes but it represents a dramatic shift in my life. I’ve never looked back.

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Over the last few months, I have been training to be a life coach. I was required to practice interviewing individuals in order to complete my training. Instead of bothering strangers on the street, I instead bothered the people that I bother most…my friends. In every single practice interview, I heard some version of the statement, “It’s just not my time right now.” WHAT??? It appears that a lot of women out there are suffering from the debilitating Not My Time Syndrome. When, might I ask, is your time? How long is your life? Do you know for a fact that you will still be here tomorrow? What are you waiting for…arthritis, dementia, a bad back, wrinkles, and constant talk about your health problems for it to be your time?

Sisters, life is short! Act now or regret it. What is it that makes you want to fly out of bed in the morning and take on that day? Don’t even think of telling me that its packing lunches, doing laundry, running errands, or attending another horrid PTO meeting! I won’t believe you. I’m not at all suggesting that these things can be avoided, but I’m wondering when was the last time you felt that wonderful feeling of accomplishment, commitment, and pure passion to something that you cared about greatly? If your answer is as old as the Bee Gees, then it is time to make some changes.

Finding Your Passion

First, ask yourself these questions: When I was young, what did I want to be when I grew up? If I didn’t have to worry about caring for kids, a home, and a spouse, what would I do with my time? What am I planning to do when it is “my time”? Does my day often feel excessively busy, but ultimately empty as well? Am I starting to believe that the “Housewives of (fill in any of the shows)” are happy human beings?

Next, ask yourself if there is any way I can incorporate some of my passions into my current life? Can I find an hour a day to do something just for myself? (Botox doesn’t count.) How am I using the responsibilities of my family as an excuse to not do something that is entirely meaningful to just me? How much more energy will I have in the day if I am doing a number of things that are important to me?

Next, watch your own responses and reactions. How many excuses can you come up with to not prioritize your own well-being? Do they sound like this, “My kids just can’t get through the day without me,” “If I let my husband help out, he’ll mess things up,” “Good mothers devote all of their attention to their families at all times.” Or the most depressing of all, “I’m just too tired to fit any more into my day.” If any of these responses or excuses sounds familiar, you too are suffering from Not My Time Syndrome! The good news is that it’s not too late to save yourself.

Here’s what I know: Your kids don’t need you focusing all of your attention on them at all times and they don’t need you to be a martyr! What they really need is a mom who is happy, strong, fulfilled, energetic, and able to prioritize herself, as well as her family. Give yourself and your family the gift of a really well lived life by you RIGHT NOW! Go take that cooking class, or write your book, or get a part time job. Volunteer at a woman’s shelter or work at Starbucks where everybody is happy. Your time is right this minute and there isn’t a minute to spare.

Love,

Lisa Kaplin Psy. D. PCC