Biding Time?

Last week, I had a series of clients who talked about biding their time in order to get through rather miserable situations. One client was going to stay in a very unhappy marriage for a few more years…for the kids. Another high-level executive was going to stay in a tough job situation for another two years. He was just going to “tolerate” it until retirement. Another client was going to stay in an office in which she was paid less and bullied frequently because she only had three more years until retirement.

Each of these people were willing to give up the next few years of their lives and be miserable in the hopes that after that things would improve. That’s a few years that they can never get back. A few years of feeling physically and emotionally drained. A few years of not feeling joy in their lives. A few years of just tolerating life and not living those years with happiness, adventure, and excitement. They are biding time. And what if after all that biding, they aren’t happy with the next stage? What if they die right after all that time biding? What if they get sick? Would they regret not taking those years of unhappiness back? I would!

The Folly In Biding Our Time

Here’s the thing. Life is short and fragile and unsure. How dare we give any time away to waiting for the next stage and not enjoying it right this moment. Life doesn’t begin after retirement, or with a new job, or out of a relationship. Life is right this minute. What if today is all we have? Should we waste it in the hopes that we will have more time later and we will make that time better?

All three of these wonderful people, as well as the rest of us, have two choices: change our circumstances or change how we look at our circumstances. That’s it. That’s all we have. If you can’t leave your job for some reason, then find a way to be happy anyway. If you’re stuck in a tough relationship, either leave or find a way to improve it. Yes, it takes two to improve a relationship, but half of that two trying is always better than no one trying at all.

Biding time is not the way to live a life. Living is the way to live a life. Really, truly living. Don’t wait until your kids get older, or you make more money, or you’re single, or you’re retired. Don’t wait for any of that. Find a way to find joy in your life right now. Now is all any of us have and we owe it to ourselves to not waste it.

Did I mention my fourth client from last week? He was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer. Guess what he wanted to talk about in our session? He wanted to talk about how to live his life right this minute. He brought in his bucket list and we talked about how he could start that bucket list right now. He wanted to talk about what he could contribute to the world, how he could enjoy life and the adventures it holds. We didn’t spend one second talking about biding time. There was no time for that.

Love,

Lisa Kaplin Psy. D. PCC