The Women’s Happiness Equality Challenge

“If my kids are happy, I’m happy.” “If my partner is happy, I’m happy.” “If my boss is happy, I’m happy.” Etc. These are the words that I hear from women every single day. They might as well say, “I don’t deserve to be happy until everyone else in my life is.” We talk about women as if putting our own happiness last is something to be proud of. “She gives up everything for her family.” “She is the most selfless person I know.” “She’s a woman of valor.” Gag. (My professional and mature response.)

Why is it that women aren’t worthy of at least equal happiness to the rest of the world? When we say that we always put others first, we are essentially saying that we are not worthy of being equal members in society. I’ve never once heard someone say that a man should hold off on his goals, dreams and happiness until absolutely everyone around him has theirs. I don’t think men should say that, but nor should women!

Our own happiness and personal growth is our right as humans. If our children, partners, parents, and peers deserve it, then why don’t we? You are not selfless. You are a self who deserves a full, joyful, happy life. Not because you want to model that for your children and not because I said so, but because we all deserve that. Will we give up things for our families? Probably. But do we always need to do so? When we say, “I’ll be happy when . . . “, we are essentially saying when there is no one left to get happy but me. Really?

Prioritize Your Happiness!

Women, I’m laying down a challenge and I dare you to take me up on it. How about you prioritize your own happiness to at least the level of being equal to the happiness of others around you? If you do things to make your children happy, how about doing something for yourself as well? Or even better, ask your family to do something nice for you. You are allowed to do that, you know!

Your happiness and self actualization isn’t meant to be put on hold while you raise children, take care of your parents, or support your life partner. You deserve fulfillment now and throughout your life. When you suggest otherwise, you are literally suggesting that you are not worthy of a full and fabulous life.

So figure out what brings you happiness. Get really clear on that and then go out and freakin’ get it right now. Right now, today! Don’t wait until everyone else in your life is happy. Be responsible to yourself at the same level you are responsible to everyone else, if not more. Don’t do it for anybody else but yourself. If you don’t make yourself happy, who the heck is going to do it for you?

Take my happiness equality challenge and run with it. Today! Do it now before you get old and forget to do it. Seriously. Let me know how you do.

Love,

Lisa Kaplin Psy. D. PCC