I’ve Been Me For A Long Time

Recently, I was talking to a client about how much trouble she was having with making permanent changes in her life and she said, “I’ve been me for a long time.” That made me laugh, but it was also rather profound. We have been ourselves for a very long time and we’ve developed habits, behaviors, and thoughts that feel comfortable to us, even if they aren’t very helpful. Making changes in our lives means feeling as if we are someone different than we’ve ever been.

Being different is scary. What if it doesn’t work? What if I fail? What if I succeed? What if the new me is so different that the people in my life don’t want to be around me anymore? These are tough questions with answers that aren’t necessarily easy. But here’s the thing; you will always be you no matter what. Making changes doesn’t change your core being, but it can change your core mindset and the way you direct your actions.

What if we look at change as something that makes our core self better, but still us? What if we actually acknowledge who we are without judgment or criticism? What if, as we start this New Year, we actually don’t beat ourselves up for the past, but actually accept our history and use it to move forward in new, even more exciting ways? What if our default is to be unhappy and we acknowledge that, yet still choose to find happiness? What if we could really be ourselves, but be so in the best ways possible?

People ask me everyday how to be themselves, only better. I always say, “Accept yourself first.” If you don’t take this crucial first step, then you are looking to change from an energetically unhappy place. Your past is your past. Accept it, because you can never change it. Accept yourself. Get very clear on how you want to show up for the rest of your life. Then get very specific on how you will actually do this.

Once you get the clarity about who you are and what you want to change, set small specific goals. Work on making that change in small ways every single day. Will you periodically fail? Maybe. But is it really a failure or is it an opportunity to learn about yourself? It is a chance to recognize who you are and who you want to become without judgment or criticism.

You’ve been you a long time. Congratulations! Accept yourself and fly.

Love,

Lisa Kaplin Psy. D. PCC