Running Guilt Commentary

People often ask me what kind of issues or topics I work on with my clients. Although we cover the gamut from relationships to work and everything in between, there is one topic that appears to be epidemic for my clients and that’s guilt. They feel guilty about their parenting, their work (or lack thereof), their relationships, their weight, their friendships, their parents, and that they are not as happy as they think they should be.

Did you read that last line? They feel guilty for not being happy! I get it. I used to feel that way. Guilt overwhelmed me; “I should be spending more time with my kids and my husband.” “I should be working harder at advancing my career.” ” I should call my friends and spend more time with them.” And on and on it went. Did that guilt motivate me to do anything? No. It essentially kept me stuck in my own unhappiness for a very long time.

Replacing Your Running Guilt Commentary

Recently, a client was going over all of the things that she felt guilty about and how, even after she makes a decision about something, she feels guilty for possibly having made the wrong decision. This doom loop that she was stuck in left her feeling unhappy and worthless. We decided that she needed to replace her “running guilt commentary” with something much more useful.

So she came up with a replacement line that she was going to say (either out loud or to herself) every time she started the running guilt commentary. She decided to say, “The decision has been made. NO GUILT!” At first she said it without much enthusiasm, but by the end of our meeting she was belting it out with some serious power.

A lot of us default to guilt as an automatic response to almost every situation. It is, however, possible to change our default by replacing it with something more practical and building the muscle of our new default language. So are you ready to give up guilt and the running guilt commentary? If so, pick out a short line that you are going to say to yourself every single time you fall into the guilt trap. Every. Single. Time. Repeat, repeat, and repeat until you have taught yourself how to get out of the running guilt commentary. Trust me, you won’t regret it.

Love,

Lisa Kaplin Psy. D. PCC