Over the last couple of weeks I’ve noticed a pattern with my clients; they aren’t enjoying the moments and events that they do to supposedly find enjoyment.

Admittedly, I’ve been known to do the same thing. One of my clients pours herself a glass of wine and then berates herself for “needing” that class of wine. Another feels guilty for taking a break from her children, another criticizes herself for a creative versus academic use of her talent, and yet another dreads the dinner hour because there is just too much to do afterwards. One client feels guilty for not focusing on her “big goal” 24 hours a day and another for not magically changing her own client’s lives in minutes.

I’ve been known to plop on my hammock and then get crabby after a delicious nap because I didn’t “get enough done.” It’s all rather ironic when you step back and look at it.

Enjoy Every Damn Sip of that Wine or Don’t Have it at All

It became clearer to me when I gave my wine drinking client a verbal smack down about not enjoying the enjoyable. My advice to her was to either sit down and enjoy every damn sip of that wine and that moment or don’t have the wine at all. But to have the wine and then beat on herself for having it is really just the worst of all worlds.

It’s like the piece of chocolate cake that we chow down in a frenzy and then hate on ourselves afterwards when if we just allowed ourselves to periodically enjoy the glory of a good piece of chocolate cake all would be well.

Why can’t we let ourselves just enjoy the enjoyable?

Why isn’t time away from our kids to rejuvenate ourselves ok? Why can’t we ever just do nothing and let that be fabulous? Why must every moment be productive, doing for others, change the world moments and are we so sure that wine, chocolate cake, hammock napping, and time alone isn’t actually what we and the world need?

You really only have two choices; enjoy the enjoyable or don’t do it. If you are going to make the enjoyable miserable, then don’t bother.

Take those Little Moments of Glory

Hard times are ahead, they always are so why not take those little moments of glory and suck every last second out of them? Why must we then feel guilty for the pleasure? Who taught us that rest, self-care, play, and fun are sloth like and bad for us? Where did we get the idea that the periodic chocolate indulgence is evil? Isn’t it time to make a pleasure list and enjoy every single thing on that list?

When you think about it, if we don’t enjoy the enjoyable what are we really enjoying and isn’t that just a bit depressing?

So why aren’t you enjoying these days and how are you going to change that?

I’m a serious believer in small doses of chocolate every day and I’m going to enjoy my dose while reading a trashy novel and avoiding my children and any household duties. When I’m done with my chocolate dose I will refuse to have even one ounce of guilt or thoughts of calorie counting. I won’t chastise myself for not getting work done in that time or for not reading some profoundly meaningful book that will change my mindset for years to come.

I will praise myself for the well-needed break and for the priceless gift of enjoying the enjoyable.

Love,

Lisa Kaplin Psy. D. PCC