How often have you thought that the only way for one of your relationships to improve, is for you to convince the other person that they need to change? How many relationships do you have that aren’t going well and you are pretty sure that it’s because of the other person? How often have you truly believed that if you change, your relationship will change?
Most of us don’t believe that a relationship can change if only one of us changes, but how true is that really? As part of my psychology training, I minored in a type of psychology called, “systems theory.” Here’s my definition of it: “We are all part of a variety of systems and what each of us does in those systems, influences the rest of the system.” If someone in a family changes their behavior, we will typically see the behavior of the other family members adapt and change as well. Essentially, one person can change a system.
Assuming that is true, then one person can change a relationship. One person can improve a relationship. What if we stopped reacting in the same way that we always have to our boss or our partners? Eventually, they will start to show up differently as well. If that is the case, then are they truly the only ones who have caused problems in the relationship or is it possible that we are part of that dynamic? This isn’t about blaming ourselves (or anyone else for that matter), but rather this is about asking ourselves how we can improve any relationship.
Ask yourself how you can show up differently in your challenging relationships. You might find that changing your own behavior changes how others show up and behave too. #relationships #change #selfimprovement Click To TweetAsk yourself how you can show up differently in your challenging relationships. Can you change your mindset, your communication, your responses? The answer is yes, yes you can. If you are now thinking, “Why do I have to do that when the other person is the problem?” maybe rethink that concept or go back and start reading this again. Maybe neither of you are the problem, but rather how you are reacting to each other is the issue. You have the opportunity to change that.
Every relationship we have provides us the chance to learn more about ourselves and to grow and change because of that knowledge. Start small. Think of one minor change you can make in any relationship. Maybe it’s how you greet your partner when they get home from work. Maybe it’s how you react to your boss when they give you feedback that you don’t like. How can you start to improve that relationship by changing how you are showing up?
Love,
Lisa Kaplin Psy. D. PCC